Betty ford says i'm here all night
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
