Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
