I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
