He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
