Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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