It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
