i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this beer tastes like vomit already
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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