i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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