you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You are a genius and a whore.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize