Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
