Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
