Banned from zoo.
Again?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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