I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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