this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
