brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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