I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
