I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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