Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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