He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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