i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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