Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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