I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
