Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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