worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
