he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
