Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
