brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
