Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"