Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
