I wanna bring you to show and tell
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?