There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."