office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
