I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
