my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
