i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
