I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
