I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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