I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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