Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
