the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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