woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
