Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
