My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
