I look better un-naked...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
