Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
