she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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