The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
