i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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