The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
