You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
