She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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