i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
