Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
