Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
