ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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