2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
