i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
