My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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