I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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