I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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