Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
