uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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