Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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