You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
