True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
