I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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