her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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