She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
