Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
