I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize