Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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