I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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