i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
