do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
