You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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