Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
