I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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