I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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