No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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