over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
