from now on my penis is your penis
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
