Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
