How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
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I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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