I cut my penus on the lid.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
