oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
