Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
