somebody snuck up and got me drunk
People in love make me want to vomit
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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