I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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