i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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