so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
