I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
